Posted on July 18th, 2023

Hey Family, 

We are Healing Out Loud. In this post, I will share how getting married unknowingly diverted my attention and hindered my progress towards achieving my personal goals. Join me on this journey as I explore the impact my failed marriage made on my personal and professional aspirations.

Before tying the knot, I was a passionate and goal oriented gurlie, my life revolved around passionate pursuits and ambitious goals. I was involved in many clubs and organizations that encouraged personal growth, investing in career advancements, and spiritual and emotional development. I was going through a personal growth and healing journey. I was a thought leader, award winning, and making impact while inspiring others. Soon, I found myself neglecting me and losing who I was as an individual. I don’t fault the marriage though I fault the prep. Before getting married this was a keen time where people felt the need to give advice. The advice given to me as a Burundian American Woman prepared me to put my dreams and goals to the morgue so that My partner would have no reason to take me back home. Crazy I know right!?! The underlying belief is already problematic. So i went into marriage with a fear mindset and my sleaves rolled up to become an unhealthy form of selfless.

During the initial phase of marriage, often referred to as the "honeymoon phase," it's not unusual to prioritize spending quality time with your partner. I went into this euphoric period where I shifted my focus from my individual goals to nurturing my relationship. The excitement and joy of having a "Team Us" clouded my ability to see the potential consequences of momentarily abandoning me.

As marriage settled into a routine, I gradually realized that balancing personal goals, professional life, and the responsibilities of being a spouse was not easy. I faced so many challenges trying find the right equilibrium. The journey impacted my focus on personal growth. I fell into a constant routine of compromise and negotiation causing "Team Us" to overshadow my own personal ambitions.

While marriage presents its own set of hurdles, it also offers the potential for shared aspirations and dreams.I loved exploring the positive side of getting married and creating spaces where my goals and dreams intertwined and aligned with those of my former partner. We found common ground and pursuing joint objectives although short lived it was incredibly fulfilling, even though it involved some redirection from my individual aspirations.

But it became a distraction, while self-reflecting I recognized my whole life was about who I was as a partner and attempting to not fail as a partner I was losing who I was as an individual. I gained moments of clarity and with determination I experienced the possibilities of realigning my priorities and reigniting my passion for personal growth while making strides towards my initial goals, with newfound wisdom.

Marriage, much like any major life event, has the potential to both inspire and distract us from our ambitions. By sharing my own experience, I hope to shed light on the challenges many individuals face when trying to balance personal aspirations with the shared responsibilities of being a spouse. Through self-reflection and open communication with our partners, it is possible to strike a harmonious balance and continue growing both as individuals and as a couple. It also is a breeding ground for misunderstandings and growing apart. In hindsight I leave you with this reminder, marriage should never entirely extinguish the fire within but rather kindle it in new and exciting ways.

If you are having challenges with the complexities of being an individual having personal goals and managing and optimizing a busy schedule book a One on Win today let's Win With Words together.